I do have a full time job, and I travel for work. So I’m going to have to provide services that will pick her up and take her to doctor’s offices, get some of the appointments made, and do her shopping and cooking. And as things progress, provide even more for her. I’m not sure where to begin.

I wish there was a place I could just sit down with a someone, and introduce my mother now, while she’s well and vital, so that they would get to know her. And then be able to help us make a smooth, easy transition, so that I don’t have to send a stranger into the house to take care of my mother on that day when I’m out of town, and something happens. That’s the fear I have, sending strangers in, to care for my mother.

Physically, she’s pretty healthy, but there are so many other aspects of support that our family hadn’t considered before this. We’re worried about watching out for her when we’re not around and helping her to make the best choices. Mostly, though, we want to help her get her life back on track.

It’s really hard to know where to turn, to know where you can find help that cares about your family as much as you do.

When this life change occurred for us……..there was the overwhelming process of figuring out what to do, who to call, who has the answers, where do I turn, who can help me, etc.
Getting a Medical Power of Attorney
What State programs are there for Adult Day Care
Finding the safest and best Adult Day Care
What programs are there for Dental & Vision for the elderly because Medicare does not cover
Ways to keep your loved-one’s mind stimulated and active
Programs for the elderly that keep their body active
What medications work & don’t work for Dementia
I could go on and on with this list………….

And then there is the whole side of this situation that is very difficult. Dealing with the grief of watching your parent change, the stress on your marriage, the stress on finances because I had to quit working, and how completely overwhelming this situation in life was.

I remember very clearly one evening when my Mother was laying in bed trying to read and she was crying because she couldn’t understand some of the words (words that had never been a problem before) and I crawled up beside my Mother, put my arms around her and wept like a child. The grief of watching this woman who had taken care of a husband & 4 children with such ease, was now struggling to read the words on a page.

I have had the opportunity to be transformed in countless ways through this life changing situation and I am truly grateful.

Can’t call them 15 times a day because you’ll just alarm them, but you want to because you’re worried and you only get sporadic, unconnected information and even that is hard to get, and it never quite addresses the big questions like ‘Does his doctor really know what’s going on day-to-day?’ and ‘How are we going to afford this?’ let alone the specific day-to-day questions ‘Did he take his pills today?’ and ‘Did he exercise today?’, and ‘Is she still reading her papers everyday?’ and the always-there question of ‘How can I make ‘it’ better?’

And you discover that ‘it’ is so broad, like a cyclone through your life, and any answers are scattered in a zillion places, none of which helps you wrap them in the warmth and safety they so richly deserve and you so badly want to give them. And the little that you can do, you find has to be good enough, when you know it just can’t be all there is.

In our connected society, a ‘peace of mind’ umbrella that would have allowed me to be involved, have a voice, see that my parents were safe and properly cared for from miles away until the next time I could get there by people who were all connected and had a common goal of taking the best care of them, where I could know what their doctors were saying about them, ’see’ somehow that they were okay when I wondered, interact with caregivers, make sure their safety net wasn’t full of holes…..the difference would have been huge. Could have made a five year nightmare the loving exit it should have been.