Living almost 2,000 miles away from a parent who is in declining health with a chronic illness and few trustworthy resources to help care for them is a seriously stressful journey for the whole family through myriad of 'what ifs' with no answers, let alone answers that make sense. Can't call them 15 times a day because you'll just alarm them, but you want to because you're worried and you only get sporadic, unconnected information and even that is hard to get, and it never quite addresses the big questions like 'Does his doctor really know what's going on day-to-day?' and 'How are we going to afford this?' let alone the specific day-to-day questions 'Did he take his pills today?' and 'Did he exercise today?', and 'Is she still reading her papers everyday?' and the always-there question of 'How can I make 'it' better?' And you discover that 'it' is so broad, like a cyclone through your life, and any answers are scattered in a zillion places, none of which helps you wrap them in the warmth and safety they so richly deserve and you so badly want to give them. And the little that you can do, you find has to be good enough, when you know it just can't be all there is. In our connected society, a 'peace of mind' umbrella that would have allowed me to be involved, have a voice, see that my parents were safe and properly cared for from miles away until the next time I could get there by people who were all connected and had a common goal of taking the best care of them, where I could know what their doctors were saying about them, 'see' somehow that they were okay when I wondered, interact with caregivers, make sure their safety net wasn't full of holes.....the difference would have been huge. Could have made a five year nightmare the loving exit it should have been.
